Transitioning. It is such a difficult time, one of heartache and grief. Yet it is also a time of reflection. A time to ponder what the future holds.
All of these things were happening during my first night living child free after infertility/loss. I couldn't sleep. My mind was shifting and whirling with thoughts and emotions. I shifted from grief and loss, to guilt, to feeling like a failure, to reflecting on my life now, to making plans for our future and then back to grief and heartache again.
How on earth do we come to terms with such an enormous thing?
Living in the present. Taking each and every day for what it is. Accepting the emotions we are feeling. Allowing them to work their way through.
Today I am allowing myself to drift. I am seeing the fertility clinic's therapist this afternoon but until then, I will drift through the day, giving myself time to simply BE and begin coming to terms with our decision.
Cleaning and tidying the house always helps me clear my mind and feel more peaceful.
I am looking forward to baking.
I am really enjoying being in a new area of the blogging world.
And I look forward to taking the dog for a walk.
This morning I packed up all my infertility paraphernalia.
No more injections, no more hormones, tablets, blood tests and prescription forms.
No more sitting on beds with stirrups and exposing myself!!
No more surgeries.
Dave and I really enjoyed our dinner last night. We made pizza with HAM!!! and SOFT CHEESE!!! :):) And we drank WINE!! :)
No more food restrictions.
I can get back into heavy physical labour - gardening in particular as we are just establishing our new organic vegetable patch.
Sinking my hands into the potting mix once more and starting some new and interesting potting creations!
I can do the heavy duty spring cleaning again.
It is also time to start introducing myself to the on-line community that I know will be a saviour in this process. I have subscribed to several blogs, bookmarked several sites and will slowly begin to filter in.
So far I have come across:
The Road Less Travelled
No Kidding in NZ - such a great title!
Childless Does Not Mean Less
The Not Mom
Life Without Baby
I'm looking foward to getting to know everyone and hearing their stories.
Love and Light