Monday, 2 September 2013

The Childfree Childless Blog Community

I've been doing a lot of browsing on 'childfree not by choice' blogs today.  I am feeling completely overwhelmed by two areas:

1.  All the incredible life experiences people have gone through to either get to the point of having to make the heartwrenching decision to be childfree, or to have that decision forced upon them by their circumstances.

2.  And the many issues that people experience in dealing with being childless/free.

I had started to record stories and was going to link to them, but there are just too many and all of them deeply touched my heart.  The best I could do was to add these incredible women to my blog list for others to also be able to share their in their journeys.

The difference I am finding in the childless/free community is how much we all connect with each other.  Our hearts recognise each other and we relate to everything that we have gone through.  It doesn't matter that the stories are different.  They have all led us to the place - trying to live happy and fulfilling lives having lost the profound fight of trying to be mothers.

And then there are those who are childfree by choice.  They have a whole other set of society based issues to contend with.  "How can someone possibly choose not to have children?" say all the parents.

We understand each other.

I found good support in the fertility treatment community.  I met some incredible women with whom I was able to share my journey.  But in the end, our stories are always different and everyone is in different places in their journey.  Mostly though I found that women come and go in that community.  It is constantly rotating.  Often it is because many women "graduate" to mommy blogs.  Don't get me wrong.  I am still reading these womens blogs.  I am so happy for them that they were able to fulfill their dreams.  But, except for the few women I really bonded with, the connection is no longer there.  We are in different places.

My first day of childfree blog reading led me to Silent Sorority's blog and the following quote on her front page:
…when a path wasn’t clear, the natural instinct was to go with the herd. Only trouble was finding the right one. I was slowly separating from the ‘Trying to Conceive Tribe’ and from the looks of it I wasn’t ever going to be part of the ‘Mother Tribe’ – the working mother or the stay-at-home mother set. The schism between the two camps was now so whatever. I didn’t even fit into the ‘Childfree by Choice Tribe.’ I learned a new term. I was ‘involuntarily childless.’ How the hell was I going to locate that motley crew?”

Obviously since the time she wrote that, things have evolved and there are many of us so grateful that Pamela has been a forerunner in this area.  Of course, that it bittersweet.  The joy of being able to find a place in the blogging world versus the sadness we feel that there has to be this place.

I have only been in the childfree community for a week, but already I feel a connection.  Already I feel supported by women who know exactly what I am going through.  Already I can reach out and support others who are on the same journey that I am experiencing.  Already I can see a better future that is described by the women who have been living childfree for many years.  It's really an amazing community and I am so glad I found it.

The thing that I connect to most of all is how we are all searching for the positive in the childless/free situation to which life has led us. All my life I have searched for the positive and I've had blogs devoted to that very thing.  I am so grateful that through this community I am meeting many incredible, like-minded women who have found that, who are sharing that, and who continue to seek greater positivity, joy and happiness in their lives.


  1. I'm forever grateful for this online community, because frankly speaking, my close friends can't handle oversharing on my part because I love writing in details too much ha ha...I've bought and read Pamela's book and along with so many blogs that don't end with children/motherhood, they've all helped me walk through the grieving process and moving on process after our TTC journey was officially over. There are bumps here and there, but it gets easier after a while, especially with the help of my online community. :-)

    1. Hi Amel, my friends don't know about my blog. I have always kept that side of my life to myself. None of my friends blog anyway, so it's all ok! Occasionally I have mentioned it, but as they don't get involved in blogging, it doesn't draw their attention too much!
      It's good to know that it gets easier after a while. Thank you!

    2. Ah, what I mean by oversharing is that when I was in so much pain during our TTC journey (that resulted in nothing), I shared a lot of things with my close friends via group emails. After some time, though, I thought it was better to pour things out in a blog instead, so I created my IF blog. I also told the link to my close friends, but they don't read my IF blog, but it's all good 'coz then I feel "freer" to express myself that way. :-) After all, if I want to share very important parts of my IF journey, I can still do it via emails.

  2. You've captured beautifully what bonds this special community together. Nothing gives me greater joy than knowing we've created a welcoming and compassionate place to grow following loss and heartbreak. Wishing you much peace and joy...

    1. Hi Pamela. Thanks for visiting my blog and for your lovely words. I want to thank you for your blog and your book. I have only delved into a little bit of it so far - there is much to read! But I enjoy, and find it really helpful, to read a little bit at a time and absorb more information and understanding of the journey that I am now taking.
      Thank you

    2. How lovely, you are reading Pamela's book now!
      Yes, there is so much to absorb.

  3. It's a small community, but we're growing larger & stronger every day! :) Welcome!